The First Disappearance.
February 2nd, 2010
There were actually three consecutive disappearances over the past 3 0r 4 months, although to you it would have looked like one continuous absence. The first event was the most complicated so I’ve separated it from the other two (which can be done in one post). I’ve written this in the third person, not out of any egotistical arrogance, but merely in an attempt to make it more readable.
Let’s begin…
WT knew there was something wrong, but he just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. The past couple of months had seen him slip further into his shell, he had always been affected by dislike of crowds that borders on phobia, but lately he wasn’t even attending the various small dinner parties he’s regularly invited to (or to which he’s regularly invited, if you prefer the uppity type grammar that book learned people use), transforming him from a virtual recluse to an actual one. Then there were the uncontrollable fits of rage that were becoming both more frequent and more prolonged. Sure, everyone knew that WT was an irascible sort of a fellow (some would even call him a curmudgeon, and they did…often), but this was different.
There was nothing new about WT not liking people, being the non-discriminatory type of chap that he was, he hated everyone equally. But he began to realise that he spent part of every day shouting abuse at his pets, the radio, people on TV, various kitchen appliances, his clothes, and his ever increasing girth. When he wasn’t yelling at something he was sleeping. Now we all like to take the occasional daytime nap, just for the heck of it, but WT found it almost impossible to stay awake for more than an hour at a time. This was not completely new, as one of the symptoms of malignant hypertension is a constant state of tiredness, and of course, sharing his bed with three dogs and two cats was certainly no guarantee of a good night’s sleep; but again, this was different…more severe.
When he wasn’t yelling or sleeping, WT spent his time eating bread, cake, cookies, potato chips and chocolate. If he ran out of ‘food’ (which was often, as he rarely left the house by this stage), he would be consumed with thoughts of consuming bread, cake, cookies, potato chips and chocolate.
A by-product of his withdrawal from society was long periods spent at the computer looking for cyber buddies to talk to and playing scrabble, yet eventually this too became too much for him…to the point where one day he realised that he had been cycling through his scrabble games for over 20 minutes, unable to make sense out of any of them. In a state of total, overwhelming frustration and impotent rage he cried out in anguish, “I can’t do this any more!”
WT turned the computer off and went to bed just before lunch. It was then that he shut down completely…
Categories: Uncategorized
Firstly hugs my friend.
I know where you have been for 18 months of my Plurk (you would have known me as soulcreates) time I was slowly cornering myself off from the world… diving lower and lower into depression… it is not a good place.
For 3 out of the past 6 months I have been a patient of New Farm Clinic (a private psychiatric hospital) being treated for anxiety and depression. I am still going to outpatient programs twice a week and rattling with the amount of pills I take.
I just want you to know you are NOT alone, feel free to use my email address if you want to “chat”.
Hugs again my friend
Shelley
Agreeing with Shelley, although that deep, dark place seems simulatneously to be cosy yet uncomfortable, you are not alone.
I’ve been ‘there’ taken douvet days when all I felt able to do was hunker down away from the world.
The cycling can be broken, not all at once, and not forever. The times between duvet days can lengthen.
Hugs
joanygee
Hey mate. Email me if you want to play some Scrabble. I run a small private site. Most welcome to join. Hope you can overcome this soon. It sounds like you need some uplifting to help you out of your total withdrawing away. Cyberfriends *can* and *do* help.
I responded after Shelley brought this to my attention. No human needs to feel so isolated. It pains me as I too am a bit mad about Scrabble, online or off. I get out to Scrabble Clubs and play in live tourneys. Happy to get you introduced to other Scrabble Happy real life people *anywhere* in Australia. We are all very accepting.
Hope you take me up on this. I too have had a few years of feeling pretty crappy so can understand. Good on you for blogging.
Susan
Bugger. Sounds like things are a bit fucked up there, bro. Come back to plurk when you feel up to it. And take care regardless.
Dad, are you OK? so sorry i did not reply!! i was in the middle of a stupid meeting! you know how to reach me though, you might hear useless comments, opinions and unusable advises but please contact me whenever you want! hugs
Sheesh, now I almost feel bad for calling you a comment whore the other day and anything else I might have called you in the past. Almost, except that you seem to like that sort of thing
I do hope you are feeling better now. Please take care of yourself.
now i want chocolate. and bread. and a nap.
I am glad I know you’re doing well. Otherwise, this might be a bit unbearable. And I could use some chocolate, too, now.
Welcome back, and I hope you have been able to deal with the issues you’ve described.
We all need motivation to take care of our health. I started exercising again and it’s hard to keep it going. I also am trying to stop drinking coca cola. It’s my addiction. I guess I should stop buying it. Since this is the first of three posts, I hope for the best outcome for you. I have high blood pressure too. It zaps your energy and sleep.
Yikes! I was expecting another tale about one of the dogs running off. Boy, you have really been through it! It speaks volumes that you’re even willing to blog about it. I hope things are looking up for you.
… and I’m glad none of the damn critters have run off again.
…….and then what happened?
What Shelley said. I’ve been traveling the long dark teatime of the soul with manic depression and anxiety here as well.
Email me and chat.
Do it.
You are not alone in this.
Mal
I am sorry that WT has had a bad time, Although my physical health has always been good (other than afflictions that come with old age), I know the pain of emotional struggles. I trust that WT is feeling better now. I would like to tell WT, the irascible but somehow lovable curmudgeon, to take care.
I shall be tuning in for the rest of the story.
Many of us have been there, to a certain extent. Hope you’re on the up and up.
Due to hormones I am always yelling at something, so don’t feel bad. I am so sorry you have been down and out, Like the others have said, we have all been there. I hope this story has a happy ending. Sending hugs and love. xoxoxo
ok, we’re all going to Laurie’s for chocolate.and bread.and a nap…cause we can all bring our dogs there, you know. Seriously, glad you’re back writing. It does a body good to get all the crap out…one way or another.
You know you aren’t alone in this, though when you need others the most is when it’s most difficult to reach out. Good to read your writing again. If there are still any “bread, cake, cookies, potato chips and chocolate” left, I can help with that.
Depression doesn’t have to be a permanent condition… it’s not fun and please feel free to talk about it.
I hope you are up for some positive changes.
take care
thinking of you and looking forward to your next post.
Ribbon
PS… big kiss and hug for you too
Makes me feel bad for whomping you in scrabble that week —
here I thought it was just cuz I was starting to bring it on.
Anxious to read the rest of the story….
damn, Beckie stole my line!
This doesn’t sound good, WT. I am hoping for a happy ending on the next post.
-From the Been There Done That School
There was me thinking you were just fed up with us lightweights. Now my winter blues seem insignificant, sending hugs.